Life will knock you down more times than you can possibly imagine. Don't knock yourself down. Don't avoid feeling embarrassed because you are afraid something is not gonna go well. So what if it doesn't go well. Put yourself out there. Give yourself a chance.
Mornings are the worst.
The mind seems undefended, easy prey for both memories and imagination. What happened. What should've happened. What might happen someday. Your fault, my fault, no one's fault. The only way to relieve the torment is to get up, empty the bladder, drink the coffee, read the paper, run the treadmill, perform the animal sacrifice, paint the chicken blood on the groin and call upon the demonic spirits to bring you back.
Nights are bad too. Once again, exhaustion makes the mind vulnerable to obsessing over woulda, shoulda, coulda. The only thing to do is sit alone and eat the chicken which was senselessly murdered in the morning.
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