Dwight Post

So Dwight has tweeted to me and annoyingly beg me to post this entry to my blog. Haha. Thats actually FALSE. Well this is a fictional blog entry from the NBC website for Dwight Schrute of The Office. I like this specific article, it is very Dwight indeed. Take time to read. You just can’t help but laugh, ultimately.

Here goes:

Summer is finally here - time to relax and enjoy the longer days.  False. 

   1. 1) The days are not longer; summer days remain exactly twenty-four hours long.   It's basic science folks. The earth's rotation around the sun does not change. It's only the earth's angle that changes, which merely produces an increase in daylight hours.  What kind of fool confuses daylight hours with total hours in a day?  (Probably the same people who still refer to the "Dog Days of Summer."  Sirius no longer rises at dawn making this antiquated expression meaningless in the modern world.)

   2. 2) Summer is also NOT a time to relax.  With all due respect to Gershwin and The Fresh Prince summer is neither when "the livin' is easy," nor a "time to sit back and unwind."  While they create a nice tune, musicians should never be trusted for their factual accuracy.  July is the busiest month in the beet-growing season with both a harvest and a plant.  What would happen if I decided to "relax"?  Beets would mold in the ground causing heart attacks to increase.  Without beets people's folate levels will drop, causing their homocysteine levels to rise, obviously leading to an increase in heart attacks and/or sexual virility all over northeastern Pennsylvania.  I will not be responsible for the increase in government spending to send ambulances scurrying all over the county nor for the increased divorce rate.

 

However, there is one special day in July that is a respite from all the farm labor - July 24th.  What is so special about July 24th?  It's the birthday of another important summer- Summer Glau.  This year it falls on a Saturday so Mose and I will celebrate by eating some newly harvested beets while watching Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles followed by Firefly and, to cap off the night, Serenity.  This evening usually ends in an arm wrestling match as Mose and I vie to prove which of us is most fit to mate with Summer.  You'd think it would be easy for me to beat Mose with my superior strength, but he works to make his hands very slippery.  I believe he is illegally using popcorn grease but I will not provide butter for the popcorn this year.  Frau Glau can rest assured that I will be her champion at last.  When that happens, we will ride off into the sunset during the regular length days of summer.

 

Posted by: Dwight K. Schrute

Assistant to the Regional Manager

Dunder Mifflin

P.S.

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